We were vaguely aware of each other, so we weren't completely strangers.
Simon: We actually all met at a work party. I had never had a threesome before and always wanted to, so of course, I went over! Then, maybe a few months later, he texted me saying that they had discussed a threesome, and it was on the table. Maggie: The man was an ongoing friend with benefits of mine, and when he got into a new relationship, I told him that I found her attractive. Christina, a 35-year-old heteroflexible woman in Queens, NY., who was a unicorn in a two-year relationship.Jackson, a 27-year-old straight man in Birmingham, U.K., who had a threesome with two married friends.Sarah, a 33-year-old queer woman in New York City who is still dating a couple she met two years back.Simon, a 37-year-old pansexual man in California who did the same.Maggie, a 36-year-old pansexual woman in Seattle who joined a couple for a threesome a few years ago.To get a sense of what these arrangements can look like, we talked to five unicorns: However, when the situation is handled with respect, many people have a great time being (and being involved with) unicorns. “If a couple does not respect the unicorn and doesn't take their thoughts, feelings, and emotions into consideration, this will not end up well,” Stewart says.
Those looking for unicorns are called “ unicorn hunters,” a term that sometimes has a negative connotation due to the fact that some couples objectify unicorns or treat their desires as less important. Unicorns and couples can find each other through dating apps, sex clubs, swingers’ clubs, or mutual friends. If you tend to experience positive feelings vicariously through others, and like the idea of being part of a couple’s intimacy, you may be a good candidate to be a unicorn, Stewart says. ”The couple should also have a solid sexual and romantic foundation to avoid feelings of resentment about the situation, and they should be able to talk to each other without feeling like they are walking on eggshells.” It’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page and want this, rather than one person feeling pressured, she adds. If you’re part of a couple and are thinking of adding a third, whether for fleeting fun or as a long-term fixture in your relationship, Stewart recommends first having lots of conversations with your partner about how each of you envisions the relationship, what each of your boundaries are, and what situations could arise that you might find triggering.
“But when you do find one, your whole world changes, and you don't quite see it again the same way after that.” Unicorns are called unicorns because they’re considered fairly rare in swinger communities, where the term originated, Stewart says. “There are many different types of possibilities, from casual one-night stands to friends with benefits to long-term nesting,” says sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay and sexpert for Lovers. Those in the non-monogamous community, however, have a different (but equally magical) concept of what a unicorn is: It’s a person who is sexually and/or romantically involved with a couple.Ī unicorn may be someone who joins a couple for a threesome for one night, or it may be someone who regularly dates or even lives with both members of a couple. For many, the word “unicorn” conjures images of horse-like creatures with fancy rainbow manes and sparkly horns.